


Some Emotions Can't be Controlled

by justafan (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:14:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/justafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is set when Ezekiel/Gadreel possesses Sam at the beginning of season 9. Some of Sam's emotions towards Dean catch Ezekiel off guard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Emotions Can't be Controlled

His eyes shined blue for a split second. Not a normal kind of blue but a bright neon, alien like kind of blue. He watched Sam in awe. The same face that he knew like the back of his hand. He had the same sweet, kind, hazel eyes, and that boyish smile. That cute little mole on his cheek, and those dimples… god, those dimples. It was definitely Sam. But, this person, this angel, Ezekiel, didn’t carry himself the same way that Sam did. His shoulders were much more square, his back a little straighter and he walked taller, a lot more confident than Sam ever did. He watched his brother’s body, which just a few moments ago, laid lifeless on a hospital bed, walk out of the hospital unscathed. He lengthens his strides to catch up with Sam’s body.

“So, how’s it look in there?” Dean asked.

“Not good. There is much work to be done.” The angel replied.

“He’s gonna wake up, right?” Dean asked, the skepticism ringing clear.

“He will.”

“So when he wakes up he’s gonna feel you triaging his spleen? Or how does this work?” It was a little late for Dean to be thinking this through.

“He will not feel me. There is no reason for Sam to know that I’m in here at all.”

“You’re joking! I mean.. just.. No. This is too big.” Dean argued.

“And what will he do? When you tell him that he’s possessed by an angel?” He contradicted.

“He’ll have to understand.” Dean stated simply.

“And if he does not? Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me. And if he does eject me he will die.” The angel was calm. Stoic. Every word he said was calculated, enunciated. Dean needed a second to think. He didn’t know how he could let his brother be possessed unbeknownst to him. He knew Sam would never forgive him, and hell, he wouldn’t blame him. But, letting him die certainly wasn’t an option.

“Fine. Then, we keep it a secret. Just for now. Until Sam gets well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pace maker.” He paused and thought again. “Or, until I can find a way to tell him.. I don’t know.”

 ***********************

They walked into the bunker. Dean stayed at the door for a moment, watching his brother’s body enter their home. He felt awful. Like he was damned if he saved him, and damned if he didn’t. He felt like he was betraying his brother either way. But, it’s what they do. They save the other one. No matter what the cost is. He didn’t have a choice, not truly. He knew he couldn’t make it in this world without Sam. The body was out of sight, he assumed heading to the lounge area. Dean closed his eyes, took a deep breath and came back to reality. He grabbed two beers, more out of habit than thinking the angel would actually want one. He walked past the arm of the couch and held a beer out to the angel. He stared at it.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” He asked innocently.

“What are you sup.. (Dean went over what Ezekiel said in his head) you drink it. It’s a beer. Seriously?” Dean huffed half in amusement.

“Of course. But, angels don’t thirst. We aren’t affected by mortal needs.”

“Well you may be an angel, but you’re in a human body. I know that body, and trust me, it needs a drink right now.” Dean basically put the beer into the angel’s hand. And sat in the chair beside him.

The angel fidgeted with the label before taking a micro sized sip robotically. He turned his head a little gave a small “hmm” and sighed.

Dean was flipping through the channels when movement caught his eye. The angel ran Sam’s hand up through his hair, placing it behind his ear. That was all Sam. Dean stared for a second before it became uncomfortable for him and the angel both, then looked back absently at the TV. The angel was quiet, he assumed it was just his nature, and Dean didn’t have much to say so the bunker was quiet. Eerily quiet. He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Here, watch some TV.” He waved the remote in the angel’s direction. “I need some air.” And Dean was gone.

 **************************

Dean was four shots in, well maybe it was 17 but who was counting. The music was loud, and pop. Not his style, but what the hell. He made his way through the crowd, that didn’t even have standing room, let alone dancing room. His sights were set on this small brunette. The motion of her shiny skirt had caught his eye. He watched her sway, which couldn’t have been easy in those heels she had on. Her long hair was falling over her shoulder, almost into her drink. She had on a smile, but Dean was almost certain it was fake. He pushed his way through the crowd and put himself in front of her.

“Good evening ma’am, what’d you need?” Dean asked with a warm smile. The girl was confused. She stopped dead in her tracks and stood up straight.

“Excuse me?” She asked sheepishly.

“Someone said you wanted to see me… did you not want me to come over here?” He asked pretending to be confused.

“Uhh no, I don’t… think so” It was more of a question than a statement.

“Oh, well then…” He acted dejected. He was putting on a kicked puppy show. “I’m sorry I bothered you.” As he turned to walk away he felt a hand on his forearm. Before he turned to face the girl he smiled to himself.

“But you can stay if you want.” She told him with a smile.

“Well maybe I was the one that wanted to see you.” Dean told her.

“Oh, is that right?” The girl giggled. Dean knew that wasn’t funny, he was verging on creepy but for some reason it always worked.

“It is.” Dean nodded and put a hand on the small of her back. He pulled her in a little closer, trying to convince himself that this was what he wanted.

“So do you like small talk? Are you looking for a wife?” The girl’s tone of voice changed. It got stronger, more confident. Dean’s hand dropped immediately. As if the sudden change of demeanor wasn’t enough to shock him, what the hell did she just say? He mumbled something incoherent, before she started laughing and placed a hand on his chest.

“No, I mean…” She chuckled. “Let’s not talk about things that neither of us want to hear, let’s just get out of here and skip to the fun part.” Dean was speechless, but as what she said registered he shook his head, smiled, and held his arm out to the door for her to lead the way. He sure knew how to pick ‘em.

 ***********************

He stumbled through the door. Maneuvering a key was hard to do when there was a woman attached to your face. He was trying to make himself want this. This is what the old Dean would’ve done. He would’ve drank his weight in whiskey and brought home the first warm body he could find. He knew it wasn’t real, it wasn’t important, but it was a distraction. And that’s all he’d ever needed. This time it wasn’t working. When this girl would put a hand to his cheek, he only saw Sam’s face. She ran her hand under his shirt searching for his belt, he subconsciously pulled away because her skin was too soft. The woman noticed but apparently didn’t care enough to slow down. They were to the couch, the girl still wound into Dean before he wondered where Ezekiel was. But, he couldn’t think about that right now. She sat down and pulled him closer to her by his belt. Dean knew he needed to relax. He could do this. Let her do this to him. He tried to steady his breath, he wrapped a hand into her hair because that seemed like the thing to do. He felt her pull the zipper down. She was going to have her work cut out for her because so far, ‘little Dean’ wasn’t even slightly interested. Just as she opened the fly Sam’s fist came crashing into him. The girl jumped back eyes huge, watching the large stranger who had suddenly appeared, and was obviously angry. Dean stumbled. He caught himself with a hand on the coffee table and another on the chair.  


“Out.” The angel commanded, and pointed to the door. Dean knew this was still Ezekiel, he really wished Sam would wake up. The girl shot a quick glance at Dean before hurriedly leaving the house. Dean hadn’t had a chance to form a full thought yet, and the angel was gone. He heard a door slam. Dean made his way upstairs, and paused at Sam’s door. He hadn’t been in there since Sam was hurt. He had enough reminders that Sam was gone, he didn’t need to be surrounded by his things to add to it. He pondered whether to leave it alone or not, and he decided on not. He mustered his frustration and slammed the door open. Ezekiel was standing on the far side, facing the wall. Dean didn’t know what he was doing, nor did he care.

“What the hell was that Zeke?” Dean raged taking a step forward.

“Dean, I am sorry.” Ezekiel was back to his composed, stoic self.

“Ya know what, sorry isn’t good enough. What the hell was that about?!” Dean was demanding an answer.

“I do not know Dean.”

“Look at me you winged dick! Give me a real answer!” Dean wasn’t going to let this go. Ezekiel turned slowly to face Dean. The sight of his brother’s face felt like a stab in the heart. Dean had to look away.

“That is the real answer. I do not know.” His brother’s body took a step toward his own. “I saw that you were home. And that you were not alone. I specifically left the room so that you could have it.”

“Then how come I can taste my own blood in my mouth Zeke, why does my face still hurt where you hit it?”

“I was up here giving you your space. Suddenly I was filled with rage. This body I mean. I am not accustomed to human emotions, I do not know which one this was. It was not anger alone. It was jealousy, or lust too. I am not sure, but it was overwhelming. And I had to stop you.” Ezekiel paused. “So your answer is, I do not know what happened, because what happened was not fueled by me.” Ezekiel turned slightly sideways to walk past Dean and out of the room without another word.

Dean collapsed onto Sam’s bed. His face on Sam’s pillow. It still smelled like him and he breathed it in. Light musky smell, with a faint hint of Sam’s cologne. His throat was tight and he could feel the tears building in his eyes. He knew it didn’t make sense but it felt like his soul was aching. It was his brother that had come after him. It wasn’t Ezekiel. Why would Sam have gotten so mad about him having a one-night stand? Zeke said the anger was mixed with jealousy. He thought about it over and over again. Sam was jealous that Dean brought a girl home. The only thing that’s been strong enough to wake anything in Sam was his jealousy over this woman. Dean clung to one pillow while he buried his face into the other. He needed his brother. He needed to talk to him. He needed to tell him that he’d allowed an angel to possess his body. He needed to explain why he did it. He wanted to tell him that he couldn’t fathom the thought of living for a day, or even a second, if Sam wasn’t in his life. He wanted to tell him that he couldn’t do this without him. His soul be damned if need be, but he needed to tell Sam that he loved him. Like, really loved him. Dean loved the way that Sam was a nerd. He loved his stupid long hair and the way it was always falling onto his face. He loved the way his eyes sparkled when he thought he was being clever. He loved that Sam was all mushy with victims’ families, and the way he used those awful, wonderful, miserable, beautiful puppy eyes when he wanted something. He didn’t have the energy to dissect it anymore. He just needed his brother. And come to think of it he really needed sleep.

 ********************************

Dean woke what felt like days later, sprawled across Sam’s bed. He blinked the sleep away for a few minutes while debating whether or not he actually wanted to get up, or just roll over. He decided on rolling over. He flipped and brought the covers up around his neck.

“My bed comfy?” It hadn’t been long since Dean had heard the sound of Sam’s voice, but this was actually Sam’s voice, his tone. Dean considered whether or not he was imagining it, but his imagination wasn’t this good. He sat straight up and faced the door in one quick motion.

“Sammy!” Dean shot up and grabbed his brother in the tightest hug he’d ever felt. He wanted to hug him so tight that all those damaged little broken pieces would stick back together. He’d hold him forever if that’s what it took.

“-Gasp- …cant’…breathe…” Sam tried to pull away, but Dean wasn’t giving. He loosened his grip a little but he didn’t plan on letting go. “Dude, come on. I’m fine.” Sam tried to reason with him.

“Sammy, I thought I lost you forever. I thought I’d never get you back. You have no idea how bad I’ve needed you.” Dean suddenly remembered the rest of the situation. He stepped back to look him in the eyes but didn’t let go of Sam’s arms. “Ezekiel” Dean said, and Sam’s eyes shot blue light for a moment.

“Yes.” He looked at where Dean’s hands were on his arms. Dean took them off awkwardly.

“How long has he been back?” Dean asked.

“Yesterday, probably before you fell asleep. I felt panic. I felt like there was somewhere I needed to be. Something I needed to be doing, like someone needed me. But I didn’t understand. They were not my feelings. With the situation, and as strong as Sam’s emotions were I felt it was time to let him come forth.”

“Well, what’s he been doing since then?” Dean wondered.

“Watching you. He has sat at the foot of this bed for 16 hours straight, until he saw that you were waking. Then he stood at the door waiting for you to notice him.” Ezekiel explained.

“Does he know about you?” Dean asked.

“Yes…”

“How?” Dean started to panic.

“Before I let him take control I showed him glimpses of the past day or so. I showed him how hurt he was, that he was dying. I showed him who I am, and how I was able to possess him. He nearly ejected me. That is until I mentioned you. I showed him your face during our exchange last night. I showed him how torn you were about this decision in the hospital. When I showed him how much you were hurting last night, all of his anger subsided. He only wanted to help.” They both fell silent.

“Please man, give me my brother back.”

With that his eyes shined blue, and Sam was back.

“I wish he’d warn me before he does that.” Sam retorted. Dean grabbed him again. His arms locked tight around Sam.

“Look, Dean… we should talk.” Sam wiggled out of Dean’s hold. His arms fell to his sides, empty and sad. Dean was silent.

“I remember hitting you last night. And I’m sorry” Sam said before Dean cut him off.

“Don’t apologize to me for anything, you’ve got to be kidding.” He moved in to hug him again but Sam stopped him.

“Just listen.” He said. “I know he told you it was because I was jealous, and Dean, I know how horrible that sounds. I just wanted you to know that doesn’t mean anything. You’re still my brother and I’m here for you. Thanks to you, I will be for a lot longer. I just don’t want you to feel weird, or to think I’m weird.” Dean could see the panic rising on Sam’s face. He thought about it for a minute.

“What if I want it to mean something?” Dean asked.

“No, Dean, I don’t think you understand… I am jealous. Usually I control it. But in that state, my body couldn’t… I guess because I wasn’t in charge. But it is true. I know it’s sick, and twisted. I know I’m going to hell, but it’s still the truth. I’m sorry. You’ll never hear of it again, I promise. Just please don’t hate me.” Sam looked like someone stole his candy. His eyes were huge, his eyebrows drawn up.

“Sammy, you’re the one that doesn’t understand.” Dean started. “I love you. You’re my snot nose little brother and I’ve always loved you. But, now I really love you. I love everything about you, even the things that I hate, I love. I’ve never cared about those random women, Sammy. I was only with them so I didn’t feel so alone without you.” Dean raised a hand touch the side of his little brother’s face. “I only let the angel in, because I know I can’t live without you Sammy. I wouldn’t want to.” Dean’s hand was still on Sam’s cheek and he was staring into his brother’s eyes. Waiting for any sort of response.

He got one when he felt the back of his knees hit the bed, and he tumbled down with the weight of his overgrown little brother on top of him. In an instant Sam’s mouth was against his own, hungry, needing Dean’s kisses. He kissed him like Dean was the air that Sam had been suffocating from. Dean found his hands matted up in Sam’s hair. He was pulling him closer, although that wasn’t humanly possible. Sam worked kisses from Dean’s mouth down his neck, pausing at the hollow of his throat. Dean could feel the hot, moist breath there and the way Sam was mouthing at it.

Sam moved his trail down to Dean’s stomach where he paused for a second to get his pants off, and Sam’s mouth was back at work. Starting below his navel he barely tongued his way down to Dean’s cock. With a firm grip he held the base. He put his hot mouth lightly on the tip and swirled his tongue around the slit. He brought his hand quickly up to meet his lips, slightly increasing pressure then moved it back down. He worked Dean’s cock quickly with increasing pressure. Every few strokes he’d move his mouth to Dean’s balls for just a minute before going back up. He heard the slow groan coming from Dean, the confirmation that he was doing good. With his mouth still on his penis he reaches a hand around to Dean’s hole. Dean knows where this is going but he’s not exactly in the state to protest.

“God…I’ve wanted this…for so long…Sammy” He breathed. Without taking his hands off of Dean, Sam replied, “You have no idea.”

“Tell me what you want Dean.” Dean couldn’t half think, let alone speak. Sam’s finger started prodding away at the rim of Dean’s hole. His back arched up and his hands were in Sam’s hair, pulling his face closer into him. He could feel the tip of his cock against the back of Sammy’s throat and dear lord did it feel great. Sam’s finger slipped inside. It burned, and hurt. But that had nothing on how unearthly amazing it felt. Sam felt Dean rock back onto his hand, forcing his finger in until his knuckles were at the rim. Sam took the opportunity to slip another in and Dean let out a loud moan that would make a pornstar jealous. Sam worked Dean from the inside out, in circle motions. Sam’s own erection was getting painful against his denim when Dean finally said, “Fuck me Sammy. Please. I need it. I need you.”

Sam had always been a good listener. Dean started to turn over to give him better access and he was stopped. “No, I want to see you.” Sam demanded. Sam freed his own penis from the confines of his jeans. With one hand he gave it a few prepping strokes, with the other he was still rubbing Dean. Sam let the tip of his penis sit against Dean’s hole for a moment before, “Do it Sammy, please.” He pressed in slowly at first. Dean’s head was back as far as it could go. His chin high in the air. His bottom lip between his teeth. Sam paused before pulling out a little then moving back in faster. Sam started thrusting with increasing speed, and as much force as he was capable of. “I needed this Dean” but Dean couldn’t form a response. He grabbed Sam’s hips and pulled him in harder. He needed him deeper.

“So full, Sammy. But I need more. I need you to fill me up.” Dean was grinding in sync with Sam’s thrusts, giving the perfect friction with force. Sam found the perfect spot and Dean was writhing. Two more thrusts and they were both came. Sam filled him. Sam left himself softening inside of Dean for a minute while he basked in the ecstasy. Dean pulled Sam up into the most passionate kiss either of them ever could’ve imagined. Sam broke it to move down and kiss Dean's white cream off of his stomach before moving back up and meeting his lips again. “I love you too Dean, I’m so in love with you.” Sam confessed laying his cheek against Dean’s chest to hear his heartbeat. Dean smiled and leaned his head down to kiss Sammy’s hair. They both could stay like this forever. Then Dean recollected. “Next time you’re the bottom.” Dean told him abruptly. Sam let out something that Dean swore was a giggle, “Promises, promises.” He replied.


End file.
